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#42040 - 02/25/07 02:06 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: lysaer]
MADDOG` Offline
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Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 114
A/S/L: Oregon

Looks like you have a handle on this. You have support of the rest of the team, no prize money issues and it appears "Right" is on your side.

My only comment is your e-mail to your teammate may contain TMI, Too Much Information. I know it's hard not to describe everything that came up, however, my suggestion is to keep it simple, eliminate where you can the emotion and communicate at a high level. I know Nikki was upset and so were you. I know that he was being derogatory to a teammate. I know you also had something to apologize for and, through your actions, did the right thing which demonstrated to your teammate that there is courtesy required on the lanes, providing he was paying attention. wink

My advice is to simply state the facts, briefly, and ask your teammate to act accordingly, showing the same courtesy to others.

While I don't like ultimatums, sometimes they can be effective. I'd close your communication with a statement letting him know that if an improvement is not made, he will be dropped.

Yep, that's a bit harsh but if that is what it will take, so be it.

Good luck!

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#42045 - 02/25/07 04:51 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: MADDOG`]
Brian Longo Offline

Registered: 05/23/06
Posts: 1393
A/S/L: 37/M/Jacksonville, NC
Originally Posted By: MADDOG`
Yep, that's a bit harsh but if that is what it will take, so be it.

Sometimes the most desired results come from some pretty ugly ways of getting there. It's not about being "PC" about or "sugarcoating" the issue, it's about truth and honesty, and as the old saying goes, sometimes the truth hurts. It's not your problem if someone can't deal with reality. In the end, you have to be able to live with yourself.
"There are no magical balls, just magical bowlers"

#42059 - 02/25/07 09:21 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Brian Longo]
Lefty Offline

Registered: 01/30/05
Posts: 2356
A/S/L: 37 / M / Rochester, NY
If it were me personally, I'd talk to them in person. I know I'd be pretty annoyed if someone had an issue with me and wasn't able to talk to me face-to-face.

And you don't have to be confrontational about it either. Approach it from the standpoint of you being concerned. "Hey, I was wondering, do you not like bowling on <whatver night>? Well because you seem to get in a bad mood a lot and you kind of take it out on us."

And take it from there.

IMO an email is much more likely to have a negative result.

#42063 - 02/25/07 10:24 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Lefty]
General Pounder Offline
3x Virtual League Champion

Registered: 03/28/06
Posts: 3398
A/S/L: 40/M/Midlothian, IL
I agree with the people here. E-mail is not the way to go. Face to face works the best. A few years ago, I had a teammate who got a DUI going home from bowling. He told the rest of us that he was not going to be bowling for th rest of the year due to losing his license via e-mail. When responded back the same way, he got upset and never spoke with us again (he was a weird guy anyway). Long story short, it you have something to say to your teammate, do it in person. I prefer if someone has an issue with me if they say it to my face. E-mail is a little impersonal.
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