BowlingFans.com, The site for the fans, by the fans....
Sponsored Links




ChatBox:

Sponsored Links


Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
Rate This Topic
#41906 - 02/23/07 05:24 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Brian Longo]
Show300 Offline
High Roller

Registered: 07/18/06
Posts: 313
A/S/L: 33/M/Bellflower, CA
Wow, Brian...not only do we have the same woman on our team, but we do the same things. I rarely stay on my lane between shots. I don't like standing there and analyzing my shot (which is what I'd do if I stayed on my pair).

And if I'm bowling bad, I just walk outside for a minute or walk down to another pair of lanes and talk to someone to get my mind off it.

Like you, I used to get mad about leaving tap on a good shot, or throwing a bad shot and my fourth bowler on Tuesday night told me (paraphrasing), 'Stop b*******...make a good shot and live with it.' So now I try to make quality shots and whatever happens, happens.

If I make a bad shot, there's still nothing to be upset about, because it was a bad shot to begin with and I shouldn't have expected anything good from it. Sounds simple, but it's been working to keep me calm and focused.
_________________________
And though I have the gift of prophecy and understand all mysteries and possess unlimited knowledge, and have faith which could remove mountains; and have not charity, I am nothing - 1 Corinthians 13:2

Top
#10100 - 1 second ago Sponsored Links
Sponsored Links Online   content
Legend

Registered: Fri Aug 27 2004
Posts: 10100
A/S/L: Mountain View, CA
Top
#41908 - 02/23/07 05:38 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Show300]
Brian Longo Offline
Legend

Registered: 05/23/06
Posts: 1393
A/S/L: 37/M/Jacksonville, NC
Well, I don't bowl with that woman anymore, that was last year. In fact, I don't even bowl at that bowling center anymore. I got tired of the people there. Most of them are a little too, uh, "uppity uppy" for me. She still bowls there, though, and in fact my wife bowled against her last night. She was still [censored] and moaning about the place, and reading a stupid book.

I tried to make it a mission to calm down a little more this year and enjoy myself. I was until I got hurt and was forced to switch hands. Now I'm having a blast. Oh, I still get upset, but that lasts for about 5 seconds most of the time. Even from 1st ball to second ball, any anger or irritation's out in moments. It will be very difficult not to show my emotion, and I'm still working on that, but I'm trying to keep the "mad time" to a low number, both frequency and time. I found that, if I don't get upset at all, I lose my passion. Something that kind of goes hand-in-hand with me, but as I age, I learn to channel it better.
_________________________
"There are no magical balls, just magical bowlers"

Top
#41935 - 02/23/07 10:41 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Brian Longo]
MADDOG` Offline
Bracket Donor

Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 114
A/S/L: Oregon
Wow..lots of good responses. I'll keep mine short. <G>

Have a face to face with the problem child. Emphasize that it's a team sport and teams support each other. Ragging on a teammate is counterproductive to the team and for each individual concerned. The ragger is not focused on the game - the raggee is getting angry - the team suffers.

If that doesn't work, protest to the captain and ask them to get involved. If the behavior does not improve, the ragger needs a couple of weeks off. They will either improve or drop. Either way, your team will benefit and the raggee can work on her game without the detrimental distraction.

Good Luck!


Edited by MADDOG` (02/23/07 10:41 PM)
Edit Reason: Typo's R Us!
_________________________
--Michael--

In The Bag:
Storm XTreme
Columbia 300 Messenger Titanium
Columbia 300 ActionMax

Top
#41949 - 02/23/07 11:57 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Brian Longo]
Dennis Michael Offline
Virtual League Champion

Registered: 12/11/05
Posts: 9808
A/S/L: M/Barrington, Ill
I've had to tell a teammate to get off the team. And, I didn't try to be diplomatic. He hurt the team, ruined the team chemistry and the others didn't have fun with him around. It was him or us. This was not a diplomatic situation. He had to leave.

This year, I will tell my Monday team thanks, but no thanks. I will not bowl with them next year. They have already asked, but the 2 drinkers who don't care if we win or lose, as long as they have beer, have gotten under my skin. So, adios.
_________________________
LM - Black Diamond 15#
Lord Field - Exodus Pearl 15#
Legends - L/M New Terminator 15#
Legends - L/M Xtreme Damage 15# Strong pearl




Top
#41982 - 02/24/07 02:03 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Dennis Michael]
MADDOG` Offline
Bracket Donor

Registered: 12/16/06
Posts: 114
A/S/L: Oregon
Dennis makes a good point. You do what you have to do for the team. I've been in similar situation, a real downer, but it was necessary. I gave that person plenty of time to make an improvement in their attitude and interaction with their teammates (probably too much time) but it finally came down to telling this person that they were being dropped.

Did they take it well? Nope... too bad for them. But it wasn't my attitude, it was theirs and they didn't seem to care. So, as Dennis said, "adios".

Don't let the team captain shirk their duty. It's their responsibility to take responsible action and correct the problem.
_________________________
--Michael--

In The Bag:
Storm XTreme
Columbia 300 Messenger Titanium
Columbia 300 ActionMax

Top
#41991 - 02/24/07 07:01 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: MADDOG`]
lysaer Offline
Junior Master

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 36
A/S/L: Birmingham, AL
See, that's why I'm asking about all this. I'm the team captain, so it's my responsibility. Honestly, it's not the first time I've had to kick somebody off a team, but the last time I had to do it was back in college for something totally different and I'd like to think I've grown up in 10 years. laugh At least enough to ask for advice on how to handle such a situation.

I think I've gotten enough to at least start now. And in talking with some other people that know him, I'm going to start out with just an email and hopefully avoid a confrontation. One thing someone pointed out is that if you start talking to him about something he doesn't want to hear, he'll change the subject, ignore you, or try to make a joke to distract you. He can't do that with an email. And at least with an email I can at least hope he'll read the whole thing before he replies, and ask questions at specific points that if he doesn't answer, I'll know he hasn't.
_________________________
In the bag: Ebonite Total NV, Angular One, Tornado, Hustler 12
Highs: Game: 199 (Straight) 208 (Hook) | Series: 501
Average: 178 (unoffcial) 127 (league)

Top
#41995 - 02/24/07 07:29 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: lysaer]
lysaer Offline
Junior Master

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 36
A/S/L: Birmingham, AL
Ok, everybody, here's the email I've written up. Tell me what you think. grin

This has been bugging me since league the other night, so I wanted to talk to you about it. And I noticed a bit of it the first night as well.

When we're playing league, we're there as a team. That means the three of us are not competing against each other. We have to help each other, congratulate each other when we get a good score, each frame, encourage each other when we get a bad score, each frame. We have to be pleasant to each other...not necessarily back slapping laughing and jovial, but did you see how the team we were playing against Thursday was? They were giving each other pointers, and talking to each other, and were VERY encouraging to each other every single ball. They were having a good time, even when they had a bad game or when something happened.

That didn't happen with us. At one point, it was my fault. And I freely admit that. I didn't intend to be gone that long to hold up both lanes and the entire game. And I made sure to apologize to everybody for doing that. And when Nikki and I needed to smoke later I made sure we didn't hold things up. I'm still getting used to the swapping lanes thing and I have to keep reminding myself about that. Although the team we were playing was a bit more fast paced than the first team we played, I still was trying.

The other problem though, was your attitude. It bothered me, but in the last game it really [censored] Nikki off. And your reaction to me trying to say something and then your just leaving as soon as the game was over [censored] ME off. You had been complaining earlier in the game about the 9 pin strikes, but when you bowled that 202 you were acting very arrogant about it. You did not help that with the comment about Nikki's score. She was already very frustrated with herself. That did not help. She's bowling with a new ball, new shoes, and her finger was hurting - it might have been any of those things or none of them, she might have just been having a bad game. It doesn't matter. Simple encouragement of "It's ok, you'll get used to the shoes/ball" or "you'll get it next frame" or "just remember, last week you got that 160!" would have worked wonders. Encouragement is really not hard. And without those 9 pin strikes, you would only have had a 92 - assuming of course you didn't pick up the spares. Which, by the way, you wouldn't have if you had tried to pick them up hooking the ball like that. And just as another example, NEITHER of us said a single word the first night about your 67, no matter how much you were kicking yourself. We encouraged you and said it would be better the next game.

The bottom line, man, is something's gotta change. We've only played 2 weeks so far, and we have 8 weeks left of the league. The bad attitude's got no place in a team atmosphere. You know what it's like to try to bowl when you're frustrated. The mental game is as important as the physical game. If you're frustrated, and somebody's egging it on, it [censored] you off and makes it even worse. That's what happened Thursday. And I don't want it to happen again.

Bottom line, is that it's a team game, and I need a team player with a team attitude, not a bad attitude.
_________________________
In the bag: Ebonite Total NV, Angular One, Tornado, Hustler 12
Highs: Game: 199 (Straight) 208 (Hook) | Series: 501
Average: 178 (unoffcial) 127 (league)

Top
#41996 - 02/24/07 07:34 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: lysaer]
Dennis Michael Offline
Virtual League Champion

Registered: 12/11/05
Posts: 9808
A/S/L: M/Barrington, Ill
Before you do anything, make sure the rest of the team is behind you. No quivering. The worst thing to happen is to have one teammate say, "Aw, give him a chance". And, you all suffer for the rest of the year.
Secondly, if there is prize money involved, make sure you are within your rules, both your sanction rules and league rules. There may be a monetary split necessary with the departed.
_________________________
LM - Black Diamond 15#
Lord Field - Exodus Pearl 15#
Legends - L/M New Terminator 15#
Legends - L/M Xtreme Damage 15# Strong pearl




Top
#41998 - 02/24/07 07:46 PM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: Dennis Michael]
lysaer Offline
Junior Master

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 36
A/S/L: Birmingham, AL
Only three of us on the team, and Nikki's behind me. "behind me" as in "If you don't do something, and he says something to me next week, I'm gonna go off on him and make the boy cry in front of everybody".

And there's no prize money in this league.
_________________________
In the bag: Ebonite Total NV, Angular One, Tornado, Hustler 12
Highs: Game: 199 (Straight) 208 (Hook) | Series: 501
Average: 178 (unoffcial) 127 (league)

Top
#42036 - 02/25/07 10:55 AM Re: League team member courtesy question [Re: lysaer]
Scott Gannon Offline
Hall of Famer Contender

Registered: 10/30/06
Posts: 967
A/S/L: 51/M/California
Sounds like you have a big problem on your hands. I hope it all works out. I had a team member that I thought we were going to have to kick off the team, and he was somewhat of a friend too. Fortuneatly it all worked out and now our team chemistry is great. Hope the same happens for you.


Edited by Scott Gannon (02/25/07 10:56 AM)
_________________________
Summer 2012-League Average-179, HG-224, HS-595
Fall 2012-2013-League Average-181, HG-237, HS-624
Summer 2013-League Average-189, HG-245, HS-653
Fall 2013-14-League Average-178, HG-228, HS-631

Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >



Moderator:  Angel, Community Manager 
Savings That Support BowlingCommunity.com
We need your help!
Rather than begging for donations we're asking you to do one simple thing to help keep these forums running smooth:
When shopping for anything on Amazon.com or eBay please use these links to go to the web sites.

This won't cost you a cent!
You'll still get the exact same low prices, deals and free or low cost shipping; it doesn't change anything for you at all! The items do not have to be bowling related; all purchases made through these links help us! Amazon.com and eBay will pay us a small commission for every sale and it's helping us cover the expenses.

BowlingCommunity.com Recent Posts
USBC General Playing Rule 18 Change
by BOSStull - 34 minutes 15 seconds ago
USBC Rule 12
by BOSStull - 50 minutes 34 seconds ago
Resurface is always a thrilling topic
by BOSStull - Today at 10:16 AM
Leading with the ring finger...
by djp1080 - 09/12/19 12:24 AM
Terms Of Use
Use of this community signifies your agreement to the Community Standards and Conditions of Use.

About BowlingFans.com | Contact Us | Advertise With Us | Site Map
Use of this website constitutes acceptance of our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. | Material Connection Disclosure

Copyright © 1998 - 2019 - usrbingeek LLC | Copyright Policy
BowlingFans.com, BowlingFans, The Right Approach, Kegler's Connection, Tour411, BallBeat, BowlingCommunity.com, BowlSearch.com, and Bowling News You Can Use are trademarks of usrbingeek LLC. All other trademarks and tradenames are property of their respective owners.